Sunday, November 12, 2006
I think I should learn how to curb my temper sometimes, especially on PMS days.
I get really, really agitated easily.

Anyway, I finally found out why I can't sense God's presence during worship! It's becuase I don't have the fear of God, which I will have, if I just place my faith in Him and obey His commands. Yay, I'm gonna start by curbing my horrid anger and not vent it on certain stuff.

Have I been taking God for granted? That is a question that just dawned on me.

Thinking back in 2006, I guess I have been really taking God for granted, putting my studies over Him, and I always want Him to be there for me, but I don't even bother to prioritise and put Him first instead of my studies. I don't bother to answer to His calling because my studies came first. I didn't even realise I was drifting away from God until about August, when I just couldn't feel Him. Then when the EOYs came, I decided to skip church to stay home to study for the exams. I didn't feel like going to church. Then later I realised God was watching me, and obviously I knew He was disappointed. Becuase that very morning I couldn't get science facts into my head. The next morning I told Janel I skipped church, and she scolded me; that was my wake up call. I felt guilty for neglecting God for the past 3-4 months. &after the exams, started going riverlife, really felt happy because God is back in my life again.

Somehow, now I feel 2006 is a "very wasted" year because although in the first few months I was really excited about church and all, it was a short term excitement. I still drifted away from Him anyway, and didn't bother to grow closer to Him because of commitments. Now I feel the need to know His will for me, and I feel the urgency and desire to read His word. Although I still find it difficult to feel His presence, I'll wait and press on with faith. I know with constant obedience and prayer to Him, I'll cultivate the fear of God(:

Dear God,
I'm very sorry that I have been neglecting You and taking You for granted for the past 3-4 months. I'm also very sorry for doubting Your real-ness sometimes; now I know that these sinful thoughts are from the devil, and Lord I wanna pray that with Your strength I will cast these thoughts away. I know You are always there. I know You are a forgiving God and will forgive me for my sins. Thank You for Your unfailing tolerance towards my sins. Thank You for using Janel to help me grow closer to You during the holidays. Lord, I just want to pray that the desire to know You and Your will for me will continue to burn. I ask You to help me make the right decisions next year, which will please You and help me understand You more. I pray that next year will be a meaningful year of 2007 with You filling up the gap in my life. Lord, I want to make a promise that I will put in first in everything I do, even my studies. And Lord, as I read Your word, please slowly unveil Your will because I really really want to know it. And when I know Your will, I will do whatever You desire because I love You God, and I want to obey You and I know that whatever I do is for Your glory, and not mine. All this I pray in Jesus' name, AMEN.

I feel so much better now, because of the AWESOME God.
PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM, PRAISE HIM IN EVERYTHING! <3